Torn

"The manufacture of supernatural Miracles is
growing in direct proportion to the decline
in the Sense of Wonder. An actual wolverine
is far more MIRACULOUS than a nonexistent werewolf.
The benevolence of Good Men and Women is far more
astonishing than dreams of angels." 
Sam Keen
Hymns To An Unknown God

Rock On Incandescant Incarnates

say nice things to others
laugh at silly things, LOL
bend and touch stone

2 0 1 3 Be a Lovely New Year for All

Juno Offering the Doge's Cap, Gems and Gold to Venice
Paolo Veronese

Off the Grid

In honor of the light of solstice and Mayan calendar of endings and beginnings, this is me coming clean about something I was thinking about today...even though it is probably oversharing. 
I have just today realized that I have not always helped the men in my life be the best they could be. I let them slide. Young girl/woman me, as a counter-culture anti-patriarchal hippie, did not demand/insist/encourage that my man bring in a decent wage to support us. I allowed exclusion from the "mainstream" of "working for the man" or any regular working they did not really like. Thus we suffered from lack of income, but with a back-to-the-land lifestyle - living off the grid but not feeling it was a sacrifice, actually preferring it and gaining valuable life skills and experience few people have these days. Close to nature, wood-heat, no electricity, cabins that were cold, often hauling water and more. Hand sewing. Foraging. Little or no transportation. Campfires with singing and food with friends. Tribal dancing and open natures, braids and ethnic fabrics or no clothes at all. But, the guy/s were given too much leeway - I was too "compassionate" when I should of encouraged a way to keep us with some money. I let the philosophy of the time and lifestyle allow me to expect little from them other than freedom from conformity. We were forging a different path. I am not knocking the lifestyle or memories in any way, I am only chastising myself for expecting so little from the man. I think it would of been better for them in the long run to work more to gain some financial integrity for our little clans. I don't mean just the work it took for daily survival. 
I was pregnant and barefoot but I cannot use that as an excuse for not doing it myself. 

It was a really hard life when I look back on the days. We thought we knew so much, aye. Walking in the dark along paths lit only by the moon, coming home to light the fire with gathered wood, cooking on wood stoves, fetching water from creeks, washing cloth diapers by hand. Romantic notions and youthful vigor helped shield me from the the harder realities. This was in the late 1970's and early 80's, before we had such universal access to computers, etc. Now, if I was in that situation, I could at least earn some money from a variety of online ventures. We always made things - our family/clan was especially gifted with talented leather workers and crafters. I sewed and made all the kids' clothes and my own too, beautiful hippie dresses from bits and pieces. We made mocassins and intricate beaded items. We were so ephemeral. We were stardust, we were golden, we were getting back to the garden.
One thing is certain, I have the skills to survive off the grid if needed. I do not take luxuries like water and electricity for granted.

 But, I did not help the men, my lovely, gentle, imaginative and creative men, accept their full responsibilities and the lessons that brings, by my agreeing to live without simple basics for so long. (They too, being mid-century dreamers, straddled the old and new, often belonging not quite to either time.) It is the double-edged sword of hindsight, but with no regrets. I would hope that young women will not be reluctant to have their men do the right and sometimes hard things needed to keep families afloat, and don't let responsibility or burden be passed on. I have been careful about raising my sons to be strong and reliable men and my daughters to have a care for their own worth. I think a woman's right attitude and encouragement can go a long way in making the world a better place and help people step up to the plate. 
There are more of us speaking about the wild bohemian days of the 70's now, more stories being told. I have only begun to tell mine.

Musings of a December Boomer

 Today is another solar circle completed for me and here are a few things I can expound on, indulgently.
1. I think witch hazel is the best thing ever for skin.

2. Use real cotton balls or pads to clean skin often with witch hazel. Fresh and toned, yay. 
3. I mix, in the palm of my hand, a sprinkle of bare minerals powder, some moisturizer, some witch hazel (both rose water kind and regular) and apply all over my face. This takes care of moisture and light coverage all at once. I started doing this because I thought I could make my own version of a "BB" cream but more tailored to my likes - such as no heavy perfumey smell. You can add an extra little squeeze of sunscreen or other products if desired. It is great because all is mixed together and thinned with witch hazel, per use, in your hand. Your skin will be happier and more moist. When it dries a bit skin feels good and the look lasts all day. No one wants to look cakey or like they are too done. Girls, fresh is best and quicker is too! I haven't applied mineral powder with a brush for over a year now - just this quick method.

4. Witch hazel is also good around hairline for refreshing the hair that gets a tad oilier around face between washings. Oh, I tell you, this stuff is good. Clear and sparkly like vodka, cheers. I like the slight natural smell of it (witch hazel, not vodka).
5. I have converted to using WEN on my hair. Altho I cannot afford it (I have been frugally portioning out my last bit). My longish hair is naturally on the curly side and living in the coastal Pacific Northwest with our 78 kinds of rain, WEN helps keep it from Antoinette bouffant. I drug my heels for years before I finally tried it, but now I know. You do not have to use as much as the company says, just work it in very well. My hair is more itself when I use it. I do not like overly fussed hair that seems to be the trend now - I like wild and free and pretty.

 manga art by Fuyumi Soryo 

6. I have stopped eating grains and feel much better. Also have stopped eating dairy and legumes AND added sugar or over processed foods.
7. Today I am having a cherry pie that my boys are making me for my Birthday. I usually have German Chocolate Cake but decided on cherry pie this year. It will have homemade crust (the boys make it perfectly)and sweetened canned cherries but I do not mind. I am not a fanatic about avoiding afore mentioned foods but just feel better when I do. Lots of veggies and some fruit, seeds, nuts and protein and I am good to go. Some of my main go-to foods these past months have been baked yams, zuchinni, sunflower & pumpkin seeds and lots of fresh apples. It is cool that eating many apples seems to naturally remove coffee stains from my teeth. Oh yeah, still drinking coffee (black), are you kidding..! I had begun to feel like it was too easy for me to be trapped on the sugary/carb merry-go-round and my blood sugar was feeling spikey. Dropping these things from my daily diet has really been easy and rewarding in the way I feel.
8. I have been planning a hefty blog post about some of these musings for awhile now and I see that it is getting very long! I will break it up and work on the musings over the course of the week.

9. I love parsley. Flat leafed or curly - and always have some growing. It overwinters here on the temperate coast very well.
I also love radishes. Any kind.

photo found here...

10. I am a huge huge fan of South Korean movies and television shows. I could go on about this but will save it for another day.
11. I love Asian pop culture. I lived in Japan for three years as a young teen and have never been the same since! I have a hard time finding people my age who even know what I am talking about sometimes..

Itsuko Azuma "Pulstella"

12. As a girl who was born in 1956, I finally realized as a mid-century person, I easily straddle old/new, past/future and that goes for styles, knowledge, experience, technology, culture and other parts of life. My generation saw the turns from traditional America to modern America like none other. It is all integrated into my persona and I feel like an adventurous discoverer/participant of the old world and the new world, and I can see the connections and interstices. As has been said by others before me - what a long strange trip its been! I am giddy with excitement for the next 56 years of my life and let me tell you, I never, ever, ever, hardly, get bored!

Thoughts on a Cold Rainy Day

from photo by Axel Von Graefe

In the moment of time when the small drop forms, but does not fail, I have known the heart of the sun,
In the dark and the light of a dry place,
In a flicker of fire brisked by a dusty wind.
I have heard, in a drip of leaves,
A slight song,
After the midnight cries.

THEODORE ROTHKE
from Journey to the Interior

Earth,isn't this what you want: an invisible
re-arising in us? Is it not your dream 
to be one day invisible? Earth! Invisible!
What is your urgent command, if not transformation?
Rilke

And So the Year Turns



Jean Jaques Henner
Madam Laura Leroux

This all hallows eve finds me a in a better place than last year. I tend to mark my year

by Halloween to Halloween.

Last year there was a *most magnificent* blood Red moon hanging over the ocean and this year finds the Salty speum of Neptune filling the air.

Never~the~less, content am I.

Haven has held, roaming is curtailed and my hat hangs gladly for the winter Moons.

Many have but cold for their blanket and windows of Starlight. My Wish

is for All to be comfortable and safe as the night draws dark and thick.

Lanterns of Light in the Hearts of many send forth their love.

**especially to the east coast after the Storm**

Love

 To All (^_^) really!

Gold Dust Woman

in. the groove

Talking To Angels

Franklin Booth

reading poetry about

life

and death

and knowing I had

come close to exceptional humans

... so like angels

fierce

and sharp eyed –

Yet

soft and sweet at the

second glance,

living and

loving

and Shining so I could see ...

even in the dusk.

Roethke & Fokanov

A LIGHT BREATHER

The spirit moves,
Yet stays:
Stirs as the blossom stirs,
Still wet from its bud-sheath,
Slowly unfolding,
Turning in the light with its tendrils;
Plays as a minnow plays,
Tethered to a limp weed, swinging,
Tail around, nosing in and out of the current,
Its shadows loose, a watery finger;
Moves, like a snail,
Still inward,
Taking and embracing its surroundings,
Never wishing itself away,
Unafraid of what it is, a music in a hood,
A small thing,
Singing.  

          by  Theodore Roethke

Vladimir Fokanov

The Secret Heart of Sound



breathing in
breathing out

Sunshine and Lollipops, Rainbows Everywhere

unfathomable gifts

Wowzie wow!
 The boys and I are going to rent a big house with a big yard and tall trees, great views and full laundry and 2.5 bathrooms and garage/parking and 3 bedrooms with a Great price and wonderful landlords! All in a quiet neighborhood with easy access to everything. We are soo ecstatic and keep pinching ourselves. I guess I will not be looking for the escaping RV-ing gypsy princess route after all. (But will still want to get one for many reasons.)
My Sagittarius horoscope said there was incredible happenings this month but I didn't think it was me that it would actually happen too. And the boys. They are the best ever and deserve and good place where we can hopefully settle for a good while. They never complain and are stoic, graceful, talented, accepting and über-cool. Love love love.
There will be room for my girls and grandkids to hang out/visit with their dogs and rabbit. And room to have friends over for dinner, etc. AND room for my books and art!! Oh my am I so grateful. The papers have been signed and we will be going to get boxes later and start the process. It has to happen in a 2 week time period so there is not much time to spare. I have moved all my life many times because I am an Army Brat with miles under my belt.
Does anyone else get lots of blog traffic from weird sites that are advertising-like names for products, etc.? I seem to be getting traffic from Russia in conjunction with these high stats and hope that it is honestly people visiting my blog and not hoodwinking of any kind. I know not to click on these sites just in case. Clues or info anyone?
The sun is shining and life seems to be proceeding well. I wish great luck and good fortune to all and my family too. lovu (^_^)

Campfire Kindle

  I leapt and got a new Kindle Fire on the Amazon daily deal the other day. The boys and I were needing another browse-able watchable screen gizmo toy. It really is fun to have and I am glad I bought it. I'm addicted to games of mahjong (and bejewelled) and spent many hours Friday playing mahjong, watching free movies and netflix. I am reading the last book that came out in the game of thrones by George RR Martin, A Dance With Dragons, and now I can read on the kindle and return the overdue library book (over a 1,000 pages..) The best thing about the Kindle is it doesn't ring - like a phone. I have not done the angry birds yet or friends w/ words but I am sure the bandwagon will have me aboard in no time.
  The beach has been good lately with some nice weather. The agates are scarcer now due to the deeper layer of gravely sand. It all depends on how the tides have laid the sand/gravel layer with each passing tide or weather related event. No storms, lower tides = built up sandy gravel. The higher waves in the winter really scour the beach and expose the "agate beds". I have found so many fistfulls this past few months and jars of seaglass. Every day is different and you never know what you will find.
  I have found a good basketful of Japanese items recently - lighters, markers, bottles, bottlecaps, giant light bulbs, flotsam and jetsom. Walking the tide line and kicking around the smaller driftwood is usually where that stuff is. I almost always haul out a bag of debris consisting of plastic and bits of styrafoam and things. There have been lima bean sized balls of white wax (paraffin?) laying around that I can't figure out. I pick them up to dispose of also because I don't want the tide to carry them back out into the ocean and get eaten by the marine life. We have a year-round tribe of about 200 seals that live at "my" beach. They frolic and lord knows what else. They don't need to eat wax! Or plastic.
  I am looking for a RV. We are going to become a mobile unit. It will be a few months but I am tired of paying rent and having nothing to show for it. I also do not like to be at the mercy of neighbors and their loudness and smoking and door-banging and landlords and their blankeyblank. The last 3 of the last 4 houses I have rented we had to move because of landlords selling or some such. I guess I don't feel secure and worry we may have to move and have no where to go again. An RV or other mobile unit would solve that.
  My landlord lets people smoke right outside and it comes right up in our windows. It is supposed to non-smoking but there are big piles of cigarette butts and noisy people standing around smoking. It sucks, yes it does. And the neighbors right next to us moved and god please let quiet non-smokers move in. It is very tramatic to have no control over basic peace of mind and proximity to others. I spent the last summer till late fall as you readers know being home-less (un-homed) and mostly sleeping in my car. Well that sometimes doesn't seem so bad when there are 8+ people yucking it up and throwing butts around within 8 feet of your window.  The big problem will be to get something the boys and I can live in that will fit us for low money. I want to be able to move it at will. I just need some cash and a good deal! I can put the houeshold back into a storage unit. Unless I can find a house to rent reasonable. But then again I feel a distinct urge and compulsion to be mobile and very flexible. I know I will never be able to own a home at this rate and have a garden for keeps and be able to root properly. So I might as well be the best flexible gypsy-princess I can.   
  The boys are big and wonderful and we all get along so darn well. We have talked about it. They hope for the best outcome. There are several good options for mobilized unit living in our vacation destination coast town. And lots of beautiful places to ramble to daily if needed. If I had the means I would buy a very good Pacific Yurt and a bit o' land and we would live lightly and very happily. (I have lived in yurts, teepees and tents before.) But till then, we will try the wheels under our feet. What a grand vision I have of a real kind of freedom in shelter! It is a good thing. I am grateful for all my blessings every day. Maybe an angel will bring us an RV to call home. Please